I used to think grief would gradually fade until it became a distant memory. What I didn't expect were the triggers. The moments that appear out of nowhere and bring a flood of emotions you thought you had already worked through. One of mine was a particular aftershave.
I was walking through a department store when I caught the scent. Instantly, I was transported back years. For a brief moment, it felt as though my husband was standing beside me again.
The feeling was so strong that I had to stop walking. It wasn't just the memory that caught me off guard. It was how quickly it happened. One second I was thinking about my shopping list, and the next I was overwhelmed by longing, sadness, and love.
Grief has a way of hiding in ordinary places. A song on the radio. A favourite restaurant. A television programme you used to watch together. A phrase they always said. Sometimes the trigger is obvious.
Other times, it takes a moment to realise why you're suddenly feeling emotional. For a long time, I viewed these moments as setbacks. I thought they meant I wasn't healing properly.
I wondered why, after all this time, something as simple as a smell or a song could still affect me so deeply. But over the years, I've come to understand something important: Triggers aren't signs that you're moving backwards. They're signs that you loved deeply.
The people we lose become woven into the fabric of our lives. They exist in our memories, our routines, and the countless experiences we shared together. Of course certain things will remind us of them.
Of course those reminders will sometimes hurt. The goal isn't to eliminate every trigger or avoid every memory. The goal is to learn how to meet those moments with kindness.
Now, when grief catches me unexpectedly, I try not to fight it. If I need a moment, I take one. If tears come, I let them. If a memory surfaces, I allow myself to sit with it.
Because I've realised that healing isn't about never feeling grief again. It's about knowing that when grief appears, I can survive it. The wave will pass. The emotion will soften. And the memory will remain.
If you've been caught off guard by an unexpected trigger recently, please know there's nothing wrong with you. You're not failing. You're not stuck. You're simply experiencing one of the many ways love continues to leave its mark long after someone is gone.
And in its own way, that's a reminder of just how much they meant to you.