1. Understand what a gold digger is, and is not.

There’s nothing wrong with a person being concerned about your financial stability. A long-term partnership means depending on each other through the ups and downs, and being financially reliable does help with that to a degree. The difference between a gold digger and someone who values your role as a provider is that the gold digger would deride and perhaps leave you if you lost your ability to provide for them financially. A good person can appreciate your financial resources, but a gold digger appreciates only that, and will not see the relationship as worthwhile if you’re not well off. And remember a Gold digger is usually associated with a female but it’s also men who scour for wealthy women too.

2. Gold diggers drop hints that they’re having trouble paying their bills (sometimes they might even ask you directly for a “loan” to tide them over).

They know that you don’t want to see them get an eviction notice, or get their car repossessed, and you’re a good person who’s in a position to help. But there’s a difference between a gold digger and someone who’s just fallen on bad times. What you should be looking for is if, despite their situation, this person is making poor financial decisions for example spending money on luxury items such as new clothes or expensive restaurants.

3. When they discuss their financial woes, suggest ways in which the suspected gold digger can make money fast.

When you mention the possibility of them selling their luxury car, video console, guitar, diamond bracelet, or any other expensive item that could keep them from becoming homeless or having their utilities cut off or car repossessed, how do they respond? The average person will be saddened and may even become angry or upset, but a gold digger will be appalled at the very idea that they should have to give up their prized possessions in order to meet their own basic needs. They’ll treat the idea as ludicrous.

4. Look for a sense of entitlement.

Gold diggers feel that they deserve to be treated well, and that includes knowing that someone is willing to spend money on them. Have you noticed unreasonable expectations of especially favourable treatment? This sense of entitlement is one of the symptoms of narcissistic behaviour, which has other symptoms that a potential gold digger might harbour:

• grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
• preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
• believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
• requires excessive admiration
• lacks empathy, is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
• often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her

5. Ask them meaningful questions.

• What is the best gift they’ve ever gotten? Gold diggers will almost always cite an expensive, material object, not a uniquely personal and thoughtful gift.
• What’s the biggest thing you ever had to give up to get something you really wanted? What you’re searching for here is evidence of delayed gratification – the ability to give up something now so that you can achieve something greater, later. Gold diggers are notoriously spoiled or sheltered, and have never had to really wait, work, or struggle for what they want because somehow, someone was always there to help.

6. See what questions they ask you.

Certain questions which might seem harmless might really be an attempt to judge your ability to provide. None of these questions, alone, should get you worried but all of them on the first date should definitely send up a red flag:

• How much do you make a year? Why would she/he ask this question? Because a gold digger is a mobile calculator, therefore every question that relates to money is calculated to determine the percentage of the total amount that she/he believes she/he “deserves”.
• Are you a homeowner? And what type of car do you drive? They are trying to determine your overall worth and whether being with you is a profitable investment for them.
• How many kids do you have? Your answer to the question will help her/him determine (calculate) much of your income and attention goes to your children and how much time you can devote to her/him. A gold digger is a needy individual that will take up a lot of your money, time and energy.

7. Search for signs of generosity and gratitude towards you.

After having gone on several dates, has this person ever offered to pay? When you do pay, does he or she say thank you? Do they ever offer to help you in other ways? (And no, physical intimacy doesn’t count); do they cook you dinner when you’ve been out working late? Fix your computer? Run an errand for you when your schedule’s especially tight? If these character traits are missing, is this really someone you want to get involved with? A person doesn’t develop gratitude and generosity overnight…

8. Indulge in a pipe dream.

A pipe dream is basically a long shot. Take one of your childhood fantasies and run with it. Tell the person you’re dating that you’re thinking about becoming the mechanic, farmer, supermodel, writer, [insert dream career here] you’ve always wanted to be. Explain how if you were to ever do this, it would require a significant lifestyle change; you’d have to go back to school, relocate, or whatever would make it clear that your standard of living will go down dramatically. How does this person respond? Do they seem concerned? That’s normal. A good person will encourage you to follow your dreams while simultaneously helping you think of ways to do it practically and responsibly. A gold digger will look horrified or disgusted and say things like “You’re not really serious, are you?” OR they are ready to call it quits and leave because you are paying attention to “you” instead of “them”.

9. Watch yourself.

It feels good to help people, whether you just helped someone avoid becoming homeless, or you’re helping an aspiring artist or entrepreneur launch his or her career, but you have to be careful that you don’t fall into a pattern where your help become the norm, so much so that without your financial assistance, the relationship would crumble. If you’re the kind of person who has trouble saying “no”, or who is intensely sympathetic and compassionate, you’re more likely to bump into a gold digger.

10. Listen to the types of questions you are asked.

Even seemingly innocuous questions like “What do you do?” and “Where do you live?” can be loaded questions, asked in an attempt to ascertain your net worth and lifestyle. In any case, do not answer these questions directly – but start out by explaining your life story. What things happened to you as a child/teenager that shaped the life you live today? A person truly interested in who you are will listen intently and ask questions of a more personal nature – whereas a gold digger will not have the patience to get to know you first; they will only want to find out your current financial position before investing any time in you.

Remember the days when it was weird just to chat online? Well now there’s a whole new scene called online dating that takes chatting to a new level. And it works.

Long gone are the days where the creepy guy in the bathrobe sits behind his computer and pretends to be a young stud with millions. Now you can actually see their face and talk to them online before having to meet them to find that out.

But what other reasons are there to try online dating?

1. You can take your time to find the one you like. No more pressure to find a date before the bar closes or party ends. You can sift through tons of profiles to find someone who meets your requirements in looks and in interests. Than if you feel like it you can send them a message or talk to them online. You can even have a video chat on some sites.

2. There’s never any pressure to get the number or to see them again. If you end up talking to them and find that they are really not your type then you just look for someone else who is. You haven’t invested face to face time with them which takes a lot of those feelings of guilt out of the equation.

3. You can look morning, noon, and night. You can even look from work if you want. No more limiting yourself to the evening to try and find that person of your dreams. Messages can be sent any time of the day without looking like a stalker.

4. It cost less money than going out to find someone. Most online dating sites charge you for 1 month, 3 months, or 6 months. The more months you get the cheaper it becomes per month. Even if it costs £15 to £25 a month that still works out to less than a pound a day for twenty four hour online access. Compare that to four hours at the bar and £50 worth of drinks later.

5. Your chances of finding someone go up drastically. Online dating has millions of people on it. There will always be someone in your area or close to you looking for someone like you! In a crowd of people you may pass the perfect partner without even knowing it but online you get to sift through profiles at your leisure and have more of a chance of finding that person without passing them by.

So if you’re single and looking for love why not give widowdating.co.uk a go. Even if you don’t believe me it’s still worth a try. But trust me you’ll love it

100 percent free online dating sites have both pros and cons. Everyone has heard of these dating sites by now, and how they can benefit those who seek a friend, a companion, a short term sexual encounter or a long term romance and marriage. Some 100 percent free online dating sites don’t do enough, however, to screen out the predators, and often welcome or turn their back on their knowledge that there are married people and other undesirables posing as singles looking for dates. Some 100 percent free online dating sites are specifically designed with cheating spouses in mind.

Online dating, whether 100 percent free dating sites or not, can offer the shy, the busy, the newly unattached, and those who can’t easily travel to public gathering places the opportunity to meet potential partners in a less threatening and more focused environment. Those are the pros. The cons are that online dating, especially the 100 percent free dating sites, give predators and undesirables the opportunity to disguise their identities and their less than honest intentions behind the anonymous wall of the Internet.

100 percent free online dating sites are much more prevalent than they were five or ten years ago, and as happens with any service or product, once the competition sets in the price goes down and the offer enhances. Many online dating sites, even the 100 percent free ones, now provide not only profiles and photos of others looking for that special someone, but also guide you through defining your personality, your perfect mate, and then bring the two of you together in a regimented format of anonymity, email with identification, phone conversation and then finally face to face meeting, if and when the time seems right.

Geography is no longer an obstacle to romance with online dating sites. Many online daters search for their mates this way because they travel so often and are so seldom in one place. They search for others who are in like situations or able to tolerate such frequently long distance partnerships.

Paying is not necessarily bad – depending on the cost, of course. In some ways the fact that an online dating site is 100 percent free can actually be a con rather than a pro. While free can increase the volume, it also increases the likelihood of dishonest predators and married people hiding their marital status. It also increases the likelihood that business people will join only for the opportunity to sell you their book on dating, or their sexy lingerie and so forth.

Like anything else, if it’s free it will attract more unsavoury folks than similar products for which there is a charge.

Compared to the “real world” dating some people view online dating as less safe but nothing can be further from the truth!

The opinion probably persists due to the fact that in real life we usually meet people who were introduced to us by someone we know and trust, or in a transparent situation, such as at work or school/university. But because no one introduces you to your online date this does not mean online dating is unsafe, in fact meeting someone online is much safer than meeting someone at your local bar: you cannot get hurt by sitting in front of your computer.

All you need to do to make online dating work for you is to exercise some caution. After all you wouldn’t let a stranger into your home and your private life without getting to know them first, would you? So why do it online.
Here are 8 essential steps that will help you make your online dating experience secure and rewarding.

1. Anonymous Dating
It’s a great advantage that contacts entered through an online dating site are anonymous, so you can maintain your privacy, but there are some drawbacks, too – some people might not be what they say they are. While there are not many people like this unfortunately they do exist. At Widowdating.co.uk we try to screen members and remove any that appear to be fake however you should still exercise caution and common sense in your communication with other members.

2. Overseas Contacts
Be especially careful in communication with members from other countries than your own. Some people might try to use your limited knowledge of those countries to take advantage of you. Never be fooled into sending money to anybody who has given a sob story about being in a desperate situation and in need of your help. Again, at Widowdating we try to remove such members asking for money but there is also a ‘report member’ button you can click on to alert us to any such people.

3. Getting to know each other

Never give your personal information to anyone you do not know well. Use the website’s anonymous messaging system for the first contacts. Ask many questions and listen to their answers:

• Do they answer the questions you ask?
• Does their story seem credible?
• Do they avoid certain questions, such as their marital situation, who they live with etc?
• Are they too sweet and seem to agree with everything you say?

Those are the red flags that should make you cautious.

4. Strike a pose
It is the old truth that the picture is worth a thousand words. Don’t use old photos or photos where you don’t look like your real self: once you meet in real life, the picture should match the person behind it, or they will feel disappointed. But it does not mean you cannot add pictures to your profile that represent you in the best way: add a photo of yourself with a happy smile; it’s always a winner! When your date looks at your photos, they try to figure out what type of person you are: if you look grumpy, they will think you are grumpy. If you look happy and easygoing, this, too, is what they will think of you. If you do not have recent photos, ask a friend with a digital camera to take some pictures of you. Choose the best shots only and erase the ones you don’t like. Ask your correspondents how recent the photos are of them, so you to can avoid a possible disappointment.

5. Giving away your email address
When you feel comfortable with your communication, you can give them your personal email address. Register a separate email account for this purpose, and only use it for your personal correspondence. If something goes wrong in your relationships, you can always close down this account and open a new one. Keep asking questions and discuss different things. If all your communication seems to be going one way, then they probably have their own agenda.

6. Giving away your phone number
When you feel comfortable with the person you have been emailing to, give them your contact phone number, preferably your mobile. Do not give away your work number (or your work email address), ever! After all, you do not want someone to email your boss or phone your office, in case the relationship does not work.

7. Meeting face to face
After you have emailed one another, and talked on the phone a few times, it’s time to meet face to face. If people are happy to communicate with you online but don’t want to use the phone or meet you in person, this might be due to the fact that they have misrepresented themselves. Real, honest people that seek love and partnership don’t want never-ending virtual courtship; they want the real thing.

Only meet in a public place for the first date and always let a friend or family member know where you will be, and preferably, set up a time limit for the date. If you are a woman, never go to unknown places; instead, suggest a place you are familiar with and possibly where the staff maybe familiar with you. If a man is decent, he will honour your request.

Have your own transport to get home from the place of the meeting; better still, have a friend to fetch you. Never allow your date to take you home, even if something is wrong with your car. Phone a friend or call a taxi instead. Make sure you are not followed when leaving the place of the meeting – especially if no one has shown up.

Smile! Nothing helps to break the ice better than friendliness and openness. Talk about something that you have shared in your last emails, so that they feel you are indeed the same person they have been talking to for a while.

But still, use caution. Have your mobile phone with you. Don’t leave your drink unattended. If you have to leave the table, order a fresh drink on your return.

Pay for yourself. If you decided to never meet this person again, do not tell them about it on the date. Tell about it in an email. If the person asks how the date was, tell them: ‘Great! I will email you tonight’. It’s not easy to face rejection, so make it as polite and nice, as you can.

8. Starting your relationship
If you enjoyed the first date, keep seeing one another for a while before moving further. Don’t progress too fast; you must really get to know the person before deciding to have a relationship of any kind. If the person shares with you a land-line phone number, presents a business card etc, those are good signs: they trust you and want to continue the relationship. It’s now up to you to decide, whether to accept their invitation or not.

Most of all – HAVE FUN, because this is what it’s all about. Some people will not be what you are looking for, and you cannot be right for everyone. But if you persist, you will be doing better and better. It takes loads of rubble to find gold. Remember that each encounter is a learning experience that can make you more successful.

You may be yet another person to find your soul mate through Widowdating – just like thousands of other people before you!

Good luck.

Widowdating x